I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
