Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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