How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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