After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
