There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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