the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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