I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
