I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
