Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize