i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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