he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
