I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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