we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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