It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
