Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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