oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How naked do you want me to be?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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