The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
