im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
