it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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