I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
