All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
