my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
