can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
