i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
