He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
