He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize