Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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