One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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