Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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