the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
