you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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