I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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