He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
