i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
