I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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