I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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