If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
