roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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