FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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