I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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