I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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