i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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