Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
