Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
