OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
