are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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