I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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