we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
