Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
