Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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