Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
