I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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