$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
