New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
