dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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