i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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