Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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