Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
