I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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