I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
