drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
