When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
