im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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