Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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